In conversation with Autowaala

Out of the 1000 things to do before you die as per my list, having a striking conversation with the autowaalas of Bangalore gets a higher rank than most of the others. The Autowaalas of Bangalore consider themselves no less than Rajnikant's or Quick Gun Murugan's descendent according to my keen observation about their various habits and dialogue deliveries that they possess...

I sometimes wonder how many times will I pick the wrong autowaala no matter where I go... Trust me, there are countless specimens existing here. I want to discuss about few ones here...

I call them Extras. These autowaalas have an habit of asking for extra money even before you board their auto... This happens mostly when the distance that you have to cover is more than 3-4 kms. They will refuse to go if you dont pay them extra.
A typical conversation would sound something like this :

Autowaala, "Sir, Rs. 20/- extra"
I ask, "Why boss?"
Autowaala, "Sir, return khaali aana padta hai sir!!!!"
I say, "Is that my fault? Do I have to pay for others?"
Autowaala (using his convincing powers)," Sir, what is Rs 20/- for you Sir? You are working in such big big companies sir. You can easily pay sir"
I speak (after a pause and slight disgust),"So this gives you a right to cheat people?"
Autowaala, "Accha Sir, only Rs 10/- extra." He will have a big grin on his face now thinking that he has almost won the battle against me.
I finally speak (nodding in agreement), "Chal Bhai, ab tu chal buss. Aur kuch mut bol"

Another category is whom I call Geographically Deficient. These autowaalas have all the time in the world to listen to you. They would not be found waiting together but they would surely keep coming to you at regular intervals and from different directions. What is irritating is they would finally keep the ball in their court and go away. I'll tell you how..

Myself (standing at Richmond Circle), "Bhaiya, Koramangala 8th Block jaoge? "
Autowaala (scratching his head and groin), "Yeh kahan hai?"
I dont look what he does and answer him point blank on his face ,"Shiva Talkies ke paas"
Autowaala, "Which route to go?"
I say, "Yahan se straight on double road, wahan se left towards wilson garden, then right towards adugodi road and then straight inside"
Autowaala (after a thought), " Nahi Sir, wahan nahi jayenge"
My fingers fold by themselves forming a tight fist to bang him on his face but I resist. I see him smiling and making a fun of me.

Yesterday I added a new variety in the lot whom I called Random Number Generators. These autowaalas dont have any idea about the time. The auto fares and time have no co- relation whatsoever. Be it 5 in the evening or 3 in the afternoon, they seem to randomly think of some figure and quote it to you randomly.
Latest random statement that you might hear soon is when you take an auto at 8:45 pm and autowaala would say Meter ka one and half lagega, sir.
This obviously demands an explaination. I ask him.
He says, " Pahuchte Pahuchte 10 baje jayenge sir"

I just laugh at this because the distance that I have to cover is exactly 5 kms (calculated on bike). I dont want to argue but perhaps his statement was one of the major reasons for me to write this blog.

Main aur autowaala aksar yeh baatein karte hain

Agar tum ek baar main maan jaate to kaisa hota

Agar tum seedha seedha chalte to aisa hota

Agar tumhe kuch pata hota to aage baat hoti

Main aur autowaala aksar yeh baatein karte hain

Heaven was once here

Its half past midnight and I am still not able to sleep... I think of lives of most of my batchmates 10 years from now... I see them put on kilos of weight distributing on various parts of the body... on their stomachs the most, butts the next... I see them having grey hair on their scalp... being more dense on the sides than the center... owing to the lifestyles we all have been living in...

10 years from now, I see them as a good spouse... a parent of 2 may be (following HUM DO HAMARE DO strictly). Getting a chance to visit the college (engineering) was one of their dream since the time they passed out..

I wait for them at the college gate... I see them coming... I hug them and walk with them inside the campus... We see the long pathways of fate lying lonely ahead with bundles of scattered leaves fallen from the tree of love... Same trees under which once friendships were made..

I reminicise my friends falling in love with someone... We walk to the lonely lecture theatres and tutorial rooms with a gentle breeze from the window of change which fills in the thought of the past... with the thought of the faces staring and smiling and waving at us... calling us towards them...

Funny, crazy pictures of my friends flash through my minds... of the hostels... of the canteen... of the posters... of the labs... of the ground.... everything vrooms through my eyes...

In such darkness of our memories, in such darkness of our thoughts.. our minds would whisper...

HEAVEN WAS ONCE HERE

A spectator on a happy weekend

Day: Saturday Night

Start Time: 8 p.m.

Weekends are always welcome for IT professionals in Bangalore. They like themselves to be in HIGH SPIRITS. It’s not the first time that I have been a mere spectator watching my friends booze. Not that I don’t have anything to say CHEERS… But I feel quite contented with the can of Coke in my hand; it has worked for me on multiple occasions like this… We are eight college friends. Today it was the reason to celebrate… Two of my best friends got a better offer from another company and are all set to move on with their new phase of life… Also, one of them is getting married, so we all felt that a better job at this time would do him good… it would do well to us only if he treats us properly.

Time: 10:30 p.m.

I see my friends enjoy and relax while gulping RED LABEL and VAT 69 and BLACK DOG; peg-by-peg. This is where I don’t seem to enjoy much except my pegs of coke. My enjoyment phase is about to come soon… lets say in another half an hour.

Time: 11 p.m.

A drunken guy would always be true and honest if you ask him anything. He will pour his heart out and get emotional even if you take his mobile from his hand or talk about his love affair or ask him what he wants to do in his life. I didn’t have to imagine any of it as I could see striking conversations already started between REC and Pandit.

REC: “Yaar, aaj to mazaa aa gaya. This scotch is quite smooth. Pass me the cigarette Pandit”

Pandit (taking a puff and then passing the cigarette): “True, after all choice kiski hai”

Longy: “REC, tell us about your new job”

Gujju: “Before that, just have a look at REC’s new Ray Ban L.A. sunglasses. Looks real to me :P”

REC (wears Ray Ban): “Ofcourse, these are real. I have spent 5000 bucks on it. I thought it makes more sense to roam around on the streets of Bangalore with them rather than staying secluded in Mysore”

Pandit: “Let me try them and see how I look”

REC (sentimental drama begins): “No, I just bought them yesterday. Let me wear them first. I love it so much (Ray Ban gets a kiss) “

Verma (with a sip): “Itna khaas bhi nahi hai”

I would like to interrupt here and say something. You must know that you don’t realize that you can hurt someone deep down with your single proclamation in these circumstances. Verma has just done that to REC. The topic of discussion is sure to divert now. If you are following this blog properly then the first question asked to REC was about his job.

REC (starts crying): “Bastard, these are for 5000 bucks. Have you ever seen 5000 bucks at a time before?”

Beti: “REC!!! Relax bhai… don’t take it to heart… he is just joking …. Tu jaanta hai na woh kaisa hai… Chill… shall I make another peg for you? “

REC (still crying): “No yaar, this is a limit. These glasses are for 5000 bucks (4th time, you get to hear the price of the sunglasses). I have been broke since last years as I am repaying my education loan. Meri sacrifice ki value hi nahi hai”

The scene is getting better and better. I get up immediately to get my digital camera. This needs to be recorded. I return to see that REC is sitting in one corner of the hall looking at the fused tube light. NOT BAD!!!!

REC (wiping his tears): “I am lying so much to my parents.” (Now, what was that? Where did that come from? ) “I love my mom. She doesn’t know that I booze. She will feel so heartbroken if she comes to know about it”

Pandit: “But who is going to tell your mom that you are drinking?” (Valid question I must say)

Longy: “Abbe, pata chal jaata hai”

Gujju: “Arey, koi batayega hi nahi to kaise pata chalega”

Longy: “Tu nahi samjhega, pata chal jayega”

Beti: “Tujhe chhad gayi hai REC!!! Aisa kuch nahi hoga… Tujhe hum par vishwas nahi hai?“

REC: “Tum kisi ko mere 5000 ke Ray Ban ki kadar nahi hai (5th Time) to main tum par kaise vishwas karun”

Interrupting again. In these situations, REC would only trust the guy who is in stable condition…. And that would be ME.

Myself: “REC!! I assure your mom will not come to know about what you are doing tonight”

REC (smile on his face): “Arihant, tu mera sabse accha dost hai, baaki sab bekaar hain. I want to sing a song for you”

Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (a silent scream)

Tere jaisa yaar kahaan - 2

Kahan aisa yaarana

Yaad karegi duniya

Tera mera afsaana

It is followed by Chorus and repetition by the rest. I am almost strangled by everyone. They suddenly have the happiest feeling that I am their best friend. I am lovin it. They all have forgotten the first question; I remember but I don’t want to get into it again. I click pictures. I love each one of them for the way they are and for the way I know them. Rest of the night goes on discussing about the college days and past memories. I edit lot of other stuff that was discussed and limit my blog.

My heart sings -

Yeh tumhari meri baatein

Hamesha yuhi chalti rahein

Yeh hamari mulaqaatein

Hamesha yuhi chalti rahein

Beetey yuhi saare apne din raat

Baaton se nikalti rahe nayi baat

Phir wohi baatein leke geet koi hum likhein

Jo sabke dil ko choo le