Concepts of ISMs

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

Courtesy: Facebook Wall Post from friends

Udhaar ki baatein

हमारा भारत उधार के भरोसे  चल रहा है। ग्राहक को अपने पास खीचने का यह सबसे सफल उपाय माना जाता है। परंतु ग्राहक को अपना माल बेचने के बाद रिटेल धंधे में जो अक्सर शब्द सुनने में आते हें, वो यह हें :

1. लिख लेना 

2. बाद में लेना 

3. आकर देता हूँ 

4. दे दूंगा 

5. आकर  ले जाना 

6. कल दे दूंगा 

7. सुबह देता हूँ 

8. शाम को देता हूँ 

9. भरोसा नहीं है क्या?

10. पहचानते नहीं हो क्या?

11. भाग जाऊंगा क्या?

12. टेलीफोन करने पर - साहब नहीं हैं, मीटिंग में बिजी हैं

13. मीटिंग में व्यस्त हैं - थोड़ी देर में करना 

आखिर ऐसा क्यों? 

जागो ग्राहक जागो !!!!

Thought

वक़्त का पता नहीं चलता अपनों के साथ,
पर अपनों का पता चलता है वक़्त के साथ 

Bhagwaan kahan se ho?

कपडे हो गए छोटे, शर्म कहाँ से हो ।
अनाज हो गया रासायनिक, स्वाद कहाँ से हो ।
भोजन हो गया डालडा का , ताकत कहाँ से हो ।
नेता हुआ कुर्सी का, देश्मुखी कहाँ से हो ।
फूल हुए प्लास्टिक के, खुशबु कहाँ से हो ।
चेहरा हुआ मेकअप का, रूप कहाँ से हो ।
शिक्षक हुए टयूशन  के, विद्या कहाँ से हो ।
प्रोग्राम हुए चैनल के , संस्कार कहाँ से हो ।
इंसान हुआ  पैसों का , दया कहाँ से हो ।
 पानी हुआ केमिकल का, गंगाजल कहाँ से हो ।
संत हुए स्वार्थ के, सत्संग कहाँ से हो ।
भक्त हुए स्वार्थ  के, भगवान कहाँ से हो ।

Sidhuisms in Hindi

Sidhuisms on 1st Test, Ind Vs Eng, 15th Nov, 2012

STAR CRICKET has started giving commentary in Hindi starring Navjot Singh Sidhu. SHIT!!!!

• परबत की हरियाली देख कर यह पता नहीं लगाया जा सकता है की उसके अन्दर कितनी ज्वाला भरी हुई है!! - On Sehwag's Batting
•  फायदे की ईमारत हमेशा नुक्सान की धुप में ही बनती है! - On Gambhir's form
•  जैसे जल  मिटटी को कीचड बनाये बिना नहीं रुक सकता, वैसे ही स्वान भारतीय बल्लेबाजों के रास्ते में भूकंप ला सकता है!!! - On Graeme Swann's Spin Attack
• जो काम सुई कर सकती है, वो तलवार नहीं कर सकती!! - On Pujara's batting and bringing stability in batting line up
• वशीभूत और मंत्रमुग्ध कर देने वाला स्ट्रोक!! - On Yuvraj's straight drive for a boundary
• अनहोनी को होनी कर दे, होनी को अनहोनी; एक जगह जब जमा हो तीनों - यादव, प्रज्ञान और धोनी - On India's bowling attack in 2nd innings

Udd ja hans akela

Heard this bhajan on the internet - the lyrics hold a deep meaning in my life:

Ek dall do panchhi re baitha kaun guru kaun chela
Guru ki karni guru bharega chela ki karni chela re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela

Maati chun chun mahal banaya
Log kahe ghar mera
Na ghar tera na ghar mera chidiya rain basera re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela


Kaudi kaudi maya jodi jod bharela thaila
Kahat kabeer suno bhai sadhu
Sang chale na dhela re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela


Maat kahe ye putra hamara bahan kahe ye mera
Bhai kahe ye bhuja hamari naari kahe ye nar mera re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela


Pet pakad ke maata roye bah pakad ke bhai
Lapat jhapat ke chidiya roye
Hans akela jai re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela


Jab tak jiye mata roye bahan roye dasmasa
Barah din tak tiriya roye
Bhed kare ghar vasa re sadhu bhai
Udd ja hans akela

Raaye

मेरे बारे में कोई राय कायम मत करना !!!
क्योंकि मेरा वक़्त बदलेगा, तुम्हारी राय बदलेगी

:)

Barfi - Background Check

Movie BARFI & My Experience :

Watched BARFI in Udaipur two weeks back. Loved the movie that time. A movie buff like me could not stop himself from clapping with many others like me in the theater at the end of the movie. Just had a thought that time that I will go to FB and post my review and feeling for what a piece of ART this movie was for me. Thank god I was not having internet access for two days and that I still don't use a smart phone, which saved me from making a fool of myself.

This week I got to know how more then 32 scenes of the movie were directly copied from oscar winning films. How the complete background music is a copy of the Oscar winning film Amili. I was shocked and angry, felt like a fool....a big one. Shame on you Anurag Basu and Pritam for doing this!!!! 
Its so amazing to know that the film has done 100 crore business. And to add to the shame the film has been sent to Oscars. Its a fact that the film will be thrown away in Oscars in screening committee due to its copied content. But what has happened to the Film Federation of India (FFI) who are so brain dead to pick up this film for Oscars. I guess they don't watch too much of Foreign Movies like me these days....

This incident has evoked a fresh interest in me for Foreign films and diluted it for my Hindi films as of now.... and i feel sorry for it but can't help it.

Don't Judge till you know them

Read this story and could relate it with our real lives... How soon do we judge people from your actions, behavior till we truly know them...

A 24 year old traveling in train with his parents was looking at the sight outside from his train window.. He shouts, "Dad!! Look the trees are going behind." Dad smiled and a couple sitting next to the boy's parents noticed the childish behavior of a 24-year old with pity, the boy again exclaimed, "Dad!! Look the clouds are running with us!" The couple couldn't resist and said to boy's dad, "Why don't you take your son to a good doctor?"

The dad smiled and said, "I did and we are just returning from the hospital, my son was blind from birth and he got his eyes today...."

APL - Apna Premier League

Guys!!!

We are not talking about Cricket here.. we would talk about entertainment, frenzy and colorful way of living your life every Sunday morning.. oh yeah!!! thats what we do in Udaipur every weekend

Apna Premier League a.k.a APL has its roots from famous IPL.. the base rules staying the same but with lot of injustice, prejudice and unfairness mixed with it. Though, there are instances of harmonious and equal environment, sense of appreciation towards the batsman, bowler, fielder and wicketkeeper - but you need to play with us to understand what I mean :D

Golden Rules:

1. There is a five-match series played between captains on every possible Sunday morning (unless it rains or players are too tired to wake up) . The captains would change after every five-match series. The decision of appointing a new captain is biased and deserved by a close friend who has always found an excuse from becoming one. The criteria may or may not include good performances, sutta and rajnigandha consumptions, sense of humor, capability of listening to everyone.
2. The captain who wins the toss will always field first. Why? Bcoz of pitch conditions? Simply because it becomes quite sunny after 9:30 AM for players to field. They would prefer fielding in shade rather than in sun. Early morning dew causing ball to skid, seam movement etc. are not applicable. No-Tanning comes first!!!!
3. The bowler would set the field bringing slow and heavy players in the circle so that they dont have to run much, the quick players would be sent in deep positions. Since the bowler doesnt know where will he bowl or pitch the delivery, he uses his best guess initially to set the field.. then probably after a boundary is hit or the bowl goes in the direction where the fielder was not set, he would simply move the fielder to that position. You know its hard to predict everything!!!!!
4. More than the wicketkeeper, the thirdman and fine leg positions play an important role. It would be dishonest to say that the wicketkeeping gloves have a problem :P The batsman can miss the ball and still get runs
5. The fielder receives an applaud if he is able to stop the ball within first time.
6. Every player have their own box of suggestions which they keep telling the bowler or batsman after every delivery. You know we are friends and our captain is also our friend!!!!
7. After every 10 overs, there will be a strategic timeout. The strategy is to have 2-3 sutta and 1-2 rajnigandha first and then joke around. This is so prevalent and coercive that even after the strategic timeout that the fielder standing in deep position will need it - Again we are friends and happy to help!!!
8. The umpire's decision is final - he is respected and obeyed 99% of the time. To make the match interesting, he might give a wrong decision with a grin on his face :D I tell you, the applaud he receives from the team he has supported with that wrong decision is AWESOME!!!! I have experienced it myself
9.  After the first innings, the players would be served with poha, samosa, kachori and cold drinks. Naashta na kiya to kya khaak kiya!!!
10. Even after batting first and with other players sitting in shade, the team is so tired that they are unable to field properly. You have to blame SUN for this!!!

Overall, it is an adventure and worth experiencing :)