World is changing

Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain,

Rukh hawaon ka jidhar ka tha, udhar ke hum hain,

Pehle harr cheez thi apni, magar ab lagta hain,

Apne hi ghar main, kisi dusre ghar ke hum hain

This ghazal is so relevant for me at this point of time. Thanks to Jagjit Singh for singing this for me at odd hours at night …

I want to make the world a better place… Err… I am talking about my very own personal world… so many sleepless nights have passed and I am still not at peace. I am doing things which I don’t intend to, I am walking the paths which lead me somewhere; I don’t know where. I keep forgetting things but remember the ones which have pinched me hard in life. It gives me a lot of exasperation and fright. My mind is in lot of indecision right now.

Ranj aur dard ki basti ka main baashinda hun

Yeh to buss main hun ki iss haal main zinda hun

Khwaab woh dekhta hun jiss par main sharminda hun

Some times I just wish God would have invented some medicine, which I could just gulp once and it can erase all the bad memories from my past. It would make you recall only the good reminiscences; I would be more cheerful and less worried then. At least, I would be able to live my present. I will not have to lose sleep on lost love, awful accidents, heartbreaking demises, professional dissatisfactions blah blah blah

But not everything is in our control; only our life is. No one can snatch it from you till you voluntarily give it to someone or let others control you… If I can learn and adapt this, I guess this is what would make me strong and determined… I think of ways to control my life… I think of living my life again to the fullest; with my old forgotten buddies, with my family, with the people who care for me.

I will survive. My world will change.